


Learning To be Together Again

by nazangel



Series: Voltron AU Fics [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Keith (Voltron) is a Good Boyfriend, Keith messes up but quickly fixes it, Multi, POV Alternating, POV Keith (Voltron), POV Pidge | Katie Holt, Pansexual Keith (Voltron), Supportive Keith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-10-03 07:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazangel/pseuds/nazangel
Summary: A few months ago, Keith had been so sure that nothing could faze them but recently Pidge had been distant.ORPidge comes out to Keith, her boyfriend of five years, as asexual. From there they learn how to be a couple again all the while living their lives and supporting each other.





	1. A New Year

Romelle and Allura's New Years Party was finally dying down at three in the morning. Adam and Shiro had long since left, being the responsible ones. Lance, being the designated driver for Lotor and his closest and was herding them out the door.

Keith's cousin, Acxa, draped all over Veronica, gave him a wave as they passed.

A few minutes later, Pidge came to him and slid her arms around him, "Hey,"

"Hey," he said giving her a brief kiss, "You ready to go?"

She gave him a small smile. Keith noticed that looked a little off. A lot of her smiles had been looking off lately but whenever he asked, she waved away his question, saying that she was fine.

Before he could make another comment on it, she started tugging him toward their hosts, "Come on, we should say goodbye before we go,"

Keith followed her to where Romelle and Allura were sitting.

"Are you two heading out too?" asked Romelle

"Yeah," Keith, hugging her, "It's late enough,"

"Alright," said Allura, as she too pulled him into a hug, "Have a good night,"

"Bye guys," said Pidge, giving them one last wave before they were out.

The couple headed off to Keith's motorcycle, which was parked in the spacious driveway. Pidge had made him promise not to drink tonight when he had suggested they take Red.

Not that Keith minded, neither of them was much of a drinker anyway.

He sat on waiting for Pidge's arm to come around her. Once Pidge was on he turned his head a little toward her.

"You Good?"

"Yeah," said Pidge, "Let's go home,"

Keith started the bike, feeling her arms tighten around him as they sped up.

It reminded him of the first time she had sat on his bike, five years ago when they were still college kids struggling to keep their eyes open without coffee. Keith had been almost out of aviation school while Pidge had been in her second year of studying software programming. They had both met due to their brother's being roommates.

_Keith lead Pidge out of Matt and Shiro's shared apartment, having promised to drive her back to the dorms._

_"Thanks for offering to drive me back. I hate going back alone so late at- wHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!_

_Keith chuckled at her reaction, "It's my bike. I call her Red,"_

_"Cute," she huffed, "There is absolutely no way I'm getting on that,"_

_"Oh, come on. It won't be that bad. I know what I'm doing," said Keith_

_"Nope," she said, shaking her head, "I might be known as the devil and gremlin of my group but there is no way I'm getting on your bike. I'll just call a cab,"_

_Finding the whole thing extremely funny, he had decided to goad her more, "Oh, come on, from the little I know about you, you don't seem the kind of person to be scared of a measly bike ride,"_

_He had expected her to huff and glare some more and go back in to wait for a cab. She had surprised him though, meeting his eyes with defiance, "Fine,"_

_Keith raised her eyebrows. Huh. Interesting._

_"Alright get on," he said, starting the bike up._

_She carefully maneuvered herself behind him._

_"Hold on to me okay?"_

_"Okay," she said softly_

_Once he started the bike, she yelped and tightened her arms._

_He chuckled and started on the road. After a few minutes, he hears a giggle from the back._

_"Are you laughing," he asked surprised._

_"What? the wind is ticklish?" she said defensively_

_"Are you actually having fun back there?" he said in mock surprise._

_"Oh hush," she said, letting out a breathless laugh as they sped up again._

_Keith couldn't help but chuckle too._

Since then she would always laugh and whoop at the back of his bike as if she was riding a rollercoaster.

She wasn't doing it today.

When was the last time she had laughed at the back of his bike? Weeks Ago? Months Ago?

He couldn't remember.

Once they got home, Pidge mumbled something and went straight for the bathroom.

Keith sighed, put his keys away and sat on the couch, waiting for his turn.

He couldn't help but let his thoughts flit to his girlfriend. The wonderful Katie 'Pidge' Holt. They had been dating for nearly five years now, their fifth anniversary in April. Everything had been wonderful. Every couple had their fights of course, but they had always been able to work through them. They had become one of the 'couples goals' couples in their joined friend group, after Shadam and of course. Lance had quickly dubbed them Double Ks. Both him and Katie had complained but secretly he didn't mind too much. He knew she didn't either.

They had talked to each other about everything. His dream of flying, her dreams of owning her own company with her brother, her childhood struggles, her anxiety, his social awkwardness, her inability to fit in with her peers and the list went on. They helped each other get over those struggles. She had supported him in his career, even when it had him leaving for days at a time. He had congratulated her ambition when she had wanted to develop her own Video Game design company with Matt. She had made him comfortable in his skin, the way even Shiro had not been able to. They had both held each other after the drunk pick up driver had crashed into their brothers two years ago, leaving Shiro without an arm and Matt in a three-month coma.

A few months ago, Keith had been so sure that nothing could faze them but recently Pidge had been distant. He couldn't know exactly but it was probably around the time she had had a meeting with an investor. Since then she had been ducking away from intimacy, giving him half smiles instead of her full-blown grins. He had thought at first that it was just a depressive mood, god knows he had a lot of those but as time went on he had to wonder if she just wasn't happy with him anymore. Whenever he asked, she just waved his worries away, saying she was fine. He had mentioned it to Shiro, who in turn had said that Matt had also mentioned she was a lot quieter around him. It had made him feel (selfishly) a little better. At least it wasn't just him getting the very un-Pidge like treatment.

"You can wash up now," said Pidge, effectively pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Okay," He said getting up, he got a little whisp of her shampoo as he passed her, making him want to hug her close. He chose not to.

After cleaning up he came to their room, to see her getting into bed. Instead of opening her arms like she used to, she was already turned to her side, facing away from his side.

He slipped into his bed and tried to put his arms around her but she moved away, "It's warm,"

Something inside him snapped, "Bull Shit Pidge!"

"What?" she irritably, "I don't want your arms around me. What's the big deal?"

"It's not a big deal. At least this isn't but the fact that our relationship is going on a downward spiral  _is_ a big deal. And I don't even know why?!" he said sitting up on the bed.

"Our relationship is  _fine._ We're doing great. You make it sound like we're fighting all the time or something,"

"No it's worse," said Keith, "If we were fighting, it would point to the fact that you still cared enough to fight but we don't even talk that much anymore and yeah we have busy schedules but we always made time for ourselves before and now you just don't seem interested,"

Pidge opened her mouth to say something but promptly shut it with a huff.

Keith pushed on, "It's New Years Day Pidge. It's supposed to be the start of new and exciting things. Why does it feel like our relationship is ending?"

Keith half expected her to tell him that everything was fine, that he was worrying for no reason the way she had for the past few months. Instead, her shoulder slumped and a resigned look settled across her face. She looked so defeated that he wanted to reach over, pull her into his lap and wrap his arms around her small frame.

He held himself in place though, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm tired right now," she said finally, "Can we please talk once the sun comes up?"

Part of him wanted to insist that they do it right now but one look at her exhausted expression had him rethinking.

"Okay," he said softly, "We'll talk tomorrow. Can you at least come here? I don't like having you over there when you're this upset,"

She gave him a pained smile but moved towards him. He pulled her close, tucking her head under him.

"Whatever it is, we'll get through it," he whispered to her, gently stroking her hair

_God, he really hoped so._


	2. Keith's Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith messes up but tries to fix it.

Keith woke up to sunlight flitting into the room. A quick look at the clock showed that it was 12:33 in the afternoon. Not a surprise considering how late they had stayed out but what was surprising was that Pidge was already out of bed. He had always been the morning person in the relationship.

Though, considering last night, maybe her being out of bed before him wasn't much of a surprise.

The walls in their apartment were thin and he could hear her moving around in the next room. They had converted the room into a guest room/workplace for Pidge. It was an unofficial rule that Pidge wan not to be interrupted when she was in there. Something about her being in her 'groove'. Usually, Keith was more than happy to leave her in there with peace. Today it just irked him. So much for talking once the sun came up.

He sighed. If Pidge was going to hide in there, he might as well get started with the day.

He quickly washed himself up, got dressed, and made his way toward the kitchen. Looking at the state of the kitchen, he could tell Pidge had probably been up for hours, only having eaten a bowl of cereal. The missing coffee pot meant she had probably been relying on them to keep her awake. How much had she even slept?

Either way, he might as well get started on some sort of lunch. What food did you eat when having a very serious, maybe even break up a worthy conversation with your girlfriend?

Keith snorted. Both exes would call him dramatic. And one of those exes was Lance McClain, the king of drama.

He shook his head. They were not going to break up. That was the whole point, to figure out what was wrong.

He quickly took out one of his many frozen wraps and started to warm them. Pudge was a disaster in the kitchen, which left most of the cooking to Keith. Hunk had taught him some easy recipes to freeze for when he was off flying so PIdge didn't have to rely on takeout.

He also took out some sauces and pastries to go with the wraps. Two soda cans, Coke for him and Mountain Dew for Pidge.

By the time he was done, Pidge had made her way to the kitchen too. She greeted him with a strained smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey,"

"Hi," he said, "Busy?"

"Not anymore," she said, and then completely surprising him, she slipped her arms around him and buries her face in her chest.

Keith automatically brought his arms around her and squeezed her, "Pidge, what wrong?"

She didn't say anything, just pressed harder.

"Katie? Love, what is it?"

Pidge pulled away, "Let's eat first. Please?"

After a few moments, he agreed, "Okay but we're talking right after, you're kinda starting to scare me,"

Pidge nodded.

"Ona a different note," started Keith, not wanting to eat in silence, "How's the game coming, Voltron right?"

"Yeah," said Pidge

"Five sentient robots and their pilots fighting an intergalactic war," said Keith, "It's a cool concept,"

Pidge shrugged, picking up her can, "Our investors like the idea,"

"It's certainly new,"

"Well," said Pidge, "People will either like it or hate it. We'll have to see,"

"Hey," said Keith, "You guys could have done something that's already been done before but you guys did what you wanted and put a lot of effort and time into it. It'goingng to pay off okay? And doing something new? I personally think it's brave"

Pidge snorted, "Brave or Stupid,"

Keith frowned. When it came to programming and designing, Pidge didn't refer to her self as stupid. She  _definitely_  didn't refer to her brother as stupid.

"Why do I get the feeling we're no longer talking about the game," said Keith, gently

Pidge sighed but kept on eating without answering him. Keith decided not to push.

Once they were done, They cleared the table and put the dishes away in the washer. The great thing about only being two people. You could let the dishes pile and just run the machine at the end of the day.

They both ended up on the couch sitting face to face with each other.

Pidge fidgeted with her shirt.

"Okay so I've kinda felt like this my whole life but I've recently been able to put a name to it - uh and uh-"

Pidge took a deep breath, "I'm asexual,"

A beat of silence.

"What," said Keith

"I'm asexual. It means-"

"I know what it means Katie!" said Keith, standing up.

He knew what it meant. He knew exactly what it meant, which is why the last five years worth of sexual situation were flashing before his eyes. They had had sex all the time. Hell, they had had sex to celebrate moving into this very apartment!

"Why didn't you tell me before?!"

"I didn't know the term-"

Her cut her off. "But you knew how you felt!"

Pidge opened her mouth and closed it.

Keith looked away from her. If he kept looking at her, he would have to think about every time they had had sex. How the times she had initiated sex, she was doing something uncomfortable just to appease him. How every time  _he_ had initiated sex, he had been making her do something that made her uncomfortable. How he'd told her-

No. He couldn't think about that. Did not want to think about that.

He would become sick if he did.

So he turned to another emotion, one he had promised himself and his brother he would never give in to again.

Anger.

"You basically lied to me, Katie!"

"I didn't mean to," she said softly, tears welling in her eyes.

He turned away from her and grabbed his jacket and boots.

Pidge stood up, "Where are-"

"Out," he said curtly, "For a walk,"

He walked out without looking back at her. When he got out of the building, it took him a few minutes of power walking to calm down enough to think.

His mind was a whirl of different thoughts.

He felt angry and a little betrayed. How could she have not told him? And did she really not know about asexuality until recently? Even if she didn't, she could have told him how she felt, he should have understood.

She should have known that...but did she? It hurt a little to think that maybe she hadn't trusted him with a part of herself but maybe she really did think he would somehow not understand where she was coming from.

His thoughts went to the discovery of his own sexuality.

He had only dated two people before Pidge. Having seven years older brother who was gay and introduced him to every boy he liked meant that when Keith started dating James Griffin, there was no big coming out. He just introduced him to Shiro and Adam one day and that was that. They had dated throughout the last two years of high school and the first year of post-secondary. He had been Keith's first love and breaking up with him had broken his heart. Having to see him around for the next year at Aviation school had been terrible. Eventually, though, the heartache had subsided, they were even friends.

A lot of that had to do with Lance. His relationship with the youngest McClain had been casual and lasted around a year. Lance was loud, fun and wild, all with a heart of gold. He had taken Keith dancing and drinking, coaxed him out of his shell. He was the kind of person that would sit in a bar with their significant other and comment on how hot the other patrons were, all while making the person beside him laugh. Keith had quickly joined the game. The first time he had pointed at a girl, Lance had grinned and said, "Oh you're bi too," Keith had frowned and said, "I don't know,"

Lance's answer had been a simple, "Okay,"

It had bothered him though so he had gone home to Shiro and explained himself. Like the great brother he was, Shiro had sat him down and talked to him.

_"It sounds like you're pansexual Keith," said Shiro_

_"Pansexual?"_

_"Yeah, Pansexual. It means that your attraction to people isn't limited by gender identity or biological sex etc. You just like people. Does that feel like you?"_

_"Yeah...that seems to fit,"_

Now that he thought about it, he hadn't really known about pansexuality before Shiro had explained it to him. Despite having and LGBTQ+ person in the home, he had never really delved into the issues, too busy trying to survive the foster system and then busy trying to survive alone with Shiro. After the conversation with Shiro, he had done some research and learned of a few more terms, such as Asexual. However, he had never really had a discussion about it with anyone.

None of his friends were the Pride march kind of people either and despite being a part of a very diverse group when it came to sexualities, they had never discussed it much. It was one of the things that he loved about his friends. None of them really felt like they had to label each other. If someone introduced a new partner, they welcomed them, if someone wanted to be referred to with different pronouns, no one questioned them.

Could it be that indifference had lead to Pidge staying quiet?

Pidge never had someone like Shiro in her home. As wonderful and lovely her parents and Matt were, they were all White and straight. They didn't seem to be the kind of people to specifically start a conversation about the LGBTQ+ community other than telling their kids to support everyone.

With her personality and attitude, it was hard to believe Pidge being afraid of anything but maybe she had been scared of telling someone. Could she have felt weird about it? Maybe even scared because it wasn't the 'norm'?

In that case, Keith felt remorseful about his reaction. If she had been afraid, his reaction had probably hurt her. A lot.

Shaking his head at his own stupidity, he turned around and started to walk back. He had let his own feelings come in the way of supporting someone he loved very very much and he felt like an idiot for it.

Now that he had some time to think, he wanted to kick himself for his reaction. When he had figured himself out, one of the first people he had told was Lance. The other boy had hugged and told him how happy he was for him. The support had warmed his heart.

Shit. He messed up.

A part of him wanted to say that it was different but was it really?.

And then another thought him, making his stomach lurch. Was he the first person she had told?

God dammit!

He wanted to think she would have told Matt first, but if her nervousness and actions for the past few months were anything to go by, he was probably the first person she had come out to.

And he had practically rejected her. A vision of her sitting at home, feeling alone and hurt had him running the rest of the distance back to the apartment.

_ShitShitShit._ He had really fucked up.

The hugs and clinginess this morning, Good Lord, she probably thought he would leave her!

He cursed his stupidity and obliviousness as he made his way into the building. Thanking every diety out there that they lived on the first floor, he let himself into the apartment.

She hadn't gotten up to lock it.

The sight of her broke his heart.

_Oh Pidge_

She was sitting where he had left her, her knees drawn up, and dry tear tracks on her cheeks. When he got closer he could see that she was shaking a little and that her eyes were a little glazed.

He knelt in front of her, "Pidge, sweetheart,"

She looked at him, her eyes filled with both hope and fear. His heart ached.

"I'm gonna hug you, okay?"

Before he could do anything, she was already throwing herself in his arms. He narrowly missed toppling over and picked her up to arrange them on the couch.

He pulled her close to him, letting her head fall onto his shoulder.

"Am I the first person you told?" he asked her

She nodded.

_Dammit._

"Okay. I need you to listen to me carefully, okay?"

She tensed up but he instantly soothed her, "Shh love, nothing bad. I want to apologize for my behavior. Think you can spare your ears for a few words from your idiotic boyfriend?"

She snorted but nodded again.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I let my feelings get the better of me and lashed out, which really isn't an excuse. I'm sorry I made you feel bad and cry and most of all I'm sorry if I made you feel uncared for because god Pidge, I love you and I hope you'll forgive me,"

Pidge buried her face in the crook of his neck and huffed.

"You don't have to say anything right now and it's okay if you can't forgive me for this now or ever okay? Just tell me what you need,"

Pidge shifted so she was sitting upright in his lap, "I'm really tired. Help me sleep?"

Keith smiled. That was something he could do. It had started because of her habit of overworking herself.

He carried her to their bedroom, he set her on the bed and grabbed their fluffiest blanket from the closet. On the bed he leaned back against the board, allowing her to lean on his chest. Wrapping the blanket around them, he held her close in his arms.

It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, indicated by her soft snores. The physical and emotional exhaustion must have finally gotten to her.

As he watched her sleep peacefully, he once again cursed himself.

He just hoped she could forgive him, hoped they could work this out.

_Please let them work this out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another chapter. Hope you guys like it!
> 
> Once again, constructive criticism is appreciated.
> 
> Comment and Kudos if you enjoy it!


	3. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Pidge talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while since I updated this and to be honest I'm not sure when I'll update again. I haven't really mapped out where I want this story to go. Therefore, there's no schedule either. This is going to be a more' go with the flow' kind of project so there's not going to be an even amount of times between updates.
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy?

After making sure that Pidge was really asleep, Keith reached for the phone, which was fortunately still on the nightstand.

_Keith: I fucked up. Like really fucked up._

A few minutes later

_Lance: What do you mean?_

_Keith: Pidge. She told me something. I got angry and lashed out._

_Keith: I hurt her Lance._

_Lance: Okay, so quick ?._

_Lance: Are we talking about the normal yelling when people get angry or the kind of angry you used to get in your teen yrs cause if it's the 2nd 1..._

_Keith: No no nothing like that!_

Keith still shuddered to think about some of his explosions from when he was in the foster care system. He'd told Lance about some of them.

_Lance: Do you want to call?_

_Keith: Can't she's sleeping on top of me._

_Lance: Couldn't have messed up that much then_

_Keith: I'm not so sure_

_Lance: Hey Come on_

_Lance: You guys are Double Ks. You'll be fine. You'll work it out. Just talk to her. Apologize and work at it until you make it right._

_Keith: Hope so_

_Lance: Want to keep talking_

_Keith: Nah I'm okay. Spend time with your boyfriend, Don't you have to leave for work tmrw._

_Lance: Yeah 1:30 AM flight._

_Lance: Iverson's the captain._

_Keith: Sucks_

_Lance: Yup_

_Keith: Alright bye. Safe flying._

_Lance: Thnx. Bye._

_Lance: Also make her food. Can't hurt_

Keith smiled.

_Keith: Sure. Thanks_

Food couldn't hurt, right?

He looked down at his girlfriend. Now he just had to find a way to get out of bed without waking her.

XXX

Pidge blinked the sleep out of her eyes and look at the clock. 6:12 PM.

Wow. She'd slept a lot.

She sniffed. She could smell something good from the kitchen. Keith was probably making dinner.

Pidge couldn't help but sigh. Keith. What was she going to do about that?

His reaction had hurt her but he'd come back and apologized. He'd told her she didn't have to say anything right then but did she want to say something now. Did she forgive him?

In a way his reaction made sense. She had just dumped it on him. Maybe if she had started from the beginning he would have felt less like she had been lying. Everyone knew Keith's problem with being lied to. It came from his childhood in the foster care system.

She'd looked up tips for coming out and talked to some people online. A lot of them had told her that even the most accepting people freaked out a bit when their long-term partner came out as asexual. Some would feel like they were lied to and some had other reasons. Maybe if she asked Keith about his reaction it would make more sense.

She sighed again. Sometimes she hated her logical side. It didn't allow her to stay irrationally upset at anything.

Either way, she couldn't stay in there forever.

_Might as well get this over with._

She quickly washed her face and made her way to the kitchen. What she found in there made her stop dead in her tracks.

It looked like someone had cooked a feast in there. There was a pot of lasagna on one counter. Right beside the lasagna, there were twenty-four servings of wraps, waiting to be frozen. Two homemade cheese pizzas sat on the other counter. The oven was on and by the ingredients scattered around, it looked like Keith had just put Lemon cake inside to bake. Oh, and there were two bacon and egg sandwiches.

Keith was stress kitchening.

"You must really feel bad," she said out loud, making him jump at least three inches into the air. He turned out wearing the most hilarious 'deer caught in the headlight' expression. She couldn't help but chuckle.

"I swear I was just going to make lasagna! and then I wanted a snack so I decided to make myself a sandwich and accidentally made one for you too even though you were asleep. Then I got the idea to make more wraps to freeze cause I noticed earlier we were running out of those and we only had kebabs in the freezer. I didn't want to wait for the lasagna so I decided to knead the dough for the pizza for later but ended up making them anyway and then I decided on cake for...oh I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Pidge couldn't help it. She let out a loud laugh.

"You're stress kitchening," she said in between giggles

Relaxing a little, Keith pouted, "That's not a thing,"

"Sure it is," she said sliding her arms around his waist, "You're doing it right now,"

Keith just pouted some more.

"How did this all start anyway?"

"Uh well, I told Lance I fucked up and upset you. He said food could help and well...I guess it kinda got out of hand,"

"Kinda?" said Pidge laughing again, "We literally have enough to feed a football team,"

Keith's shoulders slumped, "Yeah, okay, I sort of went overboard. I just felt really bad and I guess you're right. I started stress kitchening,"

Pidge snorted, "How about this? While your cake bakes, we take one of those pizzas to the lovely elderly couple right beneath us. Thye love home cooked stuff. Also, take two plates of lasagna out and we'll give the rest of it to Ms. Berry two apartments down,"

The poor woman was the single mother of four kids under the age of ten and after her husband's death, their only support. She would probably appreciate it.

"Good idea," said Keith, "Just let me wash my hands really quick,"

Once he was done, they both went out give the food, earning many thanks from Ms. Berry and two huge hugs from the elderly couple.

By the time they came back the cake was ready. Keith took it out and put it on the rack to cool down.

"Do you want to eat now or talk first?"

"I'm kinda hungry. Let's eat the sandwiches right now, then talk. We can eat dinner in a few hours,"

"Sure," said Keith, going to pick up the sandwiches.

He turned around to see Pidge surveying the mess he had made. He was usually pretty clean when cooking or baking but today had been a little different.

He winced, "Clean first?"

She nodded, "Clean first,"

They spent the next fifteen minutes quietly cleaning up and then another te min

Once they were done, they sat down on the couch facing each other.

"Alright," said Pidge, "You first,"

"I know what asexuality is. Once I figured out I was Pansexual, I did some research into the different terms used by the community. It opened my eyes a lot,"

Pidge furrowed her brow, "Then what happened? You seriously freaked out,"

"This is going to sound insane but I freaked out  _because_ I know so much about it,"

 _What?_  Keith was making no sense to her. She told him that much.

"I know what it means, so when you told me all the times we had sex just flashed through my head and - you know- the thought that it might not have been as great for you as it was for me,"

_Oh, that made a little more sense._

Keith continued, "I just had this moment where I thought about all the times we had sex, to celebrate, for fun or the times I talked about it-"

"Wait you talk about our sex life? That's another thing I never understood. Why do people want to talk about their sex lives,"

"I don't know people like boasting about it I guess. I didn't do that though. If anyone asked me I'd just say that it was great and fun but I was still talking about it and thinking about all that just made my head spin a little,"

"A little?" asked Pidge, raiding he eyebrows incredulously

Keith made an apologetic face, "Okay more than a little. Guess I still have to work on my lashing out issue,"

Pidge sighed, "I should have known better too, I could have started the conversation better,"

Keith shook his head instantly, "You don't have to make excuses for my behaviour, Pidge. The way I acted is on me,"

"I'm not making excuses, Keith. The fact of the matter is, we talked about this. We went to therapy about this. We agreed that if I ever had to deliver any shocking, or surprising news, I would do it in a way that didn't startle you. I joined a few online groups for people on the asexual spectrum and everyone I talked to about coming out to your partner said 'Make sure you get the right message across' and 'Don't surprise them. Make it an easy convo' You were already stressed by the time we started talking,"

"Doesn't excuse me,"

"Oh, definitely not  _but_  I could have started it better and I admit that,"

Keith took her hand and squeezed, "You were scared,"

Wasn't that the truth. She has been terrified this morning and her heart just about shattered when Keith had walked out.

But Keith was sitting here now, with her hands in his and a soft look in his eyes. The same look he had always given her.

"How would you have done it?"

"What?" asked Pidge, confused

"You said you would have said it differently. How?"

Pidge gathered her thoughts before speaking.

"I would have told you that I always felt a little disconnected from sex but that I did not mind it. I would have said that I liked making you happy and the connection was nice. The problem was that sometimes it felt like a chore rather than a symptom of love. Like sometimes it's fun and refreshing to clean your space but sometimes it's annoying but you do it anyway. I would have told you that I never, not once, had sex with you when I really didn't feel like it. I always said no and you always respected that. I remember we once went over three months without sex without me realizing and you never mentioned it, not once. Hell, I didn't realize it until my mom made a teasing comment about our sex life,"

Keith's brow furrowed, "Was that when you were starting your new job? I'd forgotten about that. I think I figured you were just busy and stressed,"

Pidge smiled, "Yeah that was then,"

"I don't know how I feel about you having sex with me just to make me happy,"

"It's not like that. It's like-like when Adam puts on those romance films on some occasions for Shiro even though, Adam himself hates them. He does it because Shiro loves them,"

"That is  _so_  not the same thing,"

"Yes and no," said Pidge, "I don't think of sex the same way you do but yes it's different cause it's intimate, it's about trust and I trust you. Do you get it?"

"Kinda,"

"That's good for now," said Pidge, "Also, I want you to know that you never hurt me. Sometimes it was frustrating that I felt that I couldn't explain myself and I went along with sex but you never hurt me, Keith. I know thinking that is what probably made you freak out and I need you to know that you never hurt me,"

Kieth's voice was rough when he spoke again.

"Good," he said, squeezing her hands, "Cause I never want to hurt. Ever. You're the love my life, Pidge,"

Pidge felt her own eyes tear up, "Me too Keith. Me too,"

Keith smiled and leaned forward to kiss her forehead and wrap his arms around. She sighed softly and snuggled into him, feeling happy and safe.

After a little while, Keith spoke up again.

"Maybe we can set some boundaries, you know, intimate stuff you're okay with and what you're not. And if that includes never having sex...we can work through that too,"

Pidge frowned, "I never said-

"I know," Kieth said quickly, "But I'm just telling you that it's okay,"

"Would it really be?" said Pidge, "I know you have a sex drive, Keith,"

"I'm not saying that it wouldn't suck sometimes but I can deal and you know why?"

"Why?" she asked smiling, already knowing his answer

"I love you Pidge, I want to see you succeed in everything you do. I want to grow old with you and sit on rocking chairs talking about the days when I could ride my bike without keeling over,"

Pidge let out a laugh, eyes tearing up all over again. God, this man was amazing.

"Okay," said Pidge, "But maybe we could wait a few days before going into it. This conversation has been exhausting,"

"Sure," said Keith, "I have a flight the day after tomorrow with Kolivan. We can talk when I get back,"

"Sure," said Pidge, "Also, can we eat now? I'm feeling kinda hungry again,"

Kieth laughed, "You're always hungry sweetheart,"

Pidge smiled and let him get off the couch. Their kitchen was open from one side so she could see him working in there. Watching him, she was struck once again by how much the simple things could stand out.

She could suddenly see everything in a different light now. Like she had been freed.

Before, when she ever thought about the future, there would be a sense of dread, small but present, knowing that she was a keeping a part of her secret. Sure she hadn't had a name for it but she had known how she had felt and keeping that feeling a secret had made her feel a little off. A feeling she had learned to shove down.

But now it was gone and she could peacefully enjoy the thought of her future with this wonderful man and many more dinners to come.

"Hey Pidge," Keith called out, "Stop daydreaming. Lasagna's gonna get cold again,"

Pidge smiled.

"Coming!"

_Everything would be fine. No. Everything would be great._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys Enjoyed!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated! So is constructive criticism!

**Author's Note:**

> OKay so this idea hit me a few days ago and after some thinking, I decided to go for it. If there are any mistakes, I'm open to constructive criticism.  
> Please leave Kudos and Comments of you enjoy it!


End file.
